With higher than ever gas prices and rising food costs, before long we’ll be skipping on deodorant, and using less toilet paper!  Is this what going green is?

To help us all cope with the way we’re going, here are some super funnies emailed in by Misty Brooks.  Disclaimer:  If you are the author of these funny quips, you should put your name on them – we’d like to thank you for your genius!

“Twenty Ways to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity”

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point your hair dryer at passing cars – see if they slow down!

Page yourself over the intercom at work – don’t disguise your voice

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want Fries with that?

Put decaf in the office coffee maker for three weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to Expresso!

In the memo field of all your checks, write “For Marijuana.”

Finish all your sentences, “In accordance with the prophecy.”

Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get!

Order a Diet Water whenever you go out, with a serious face.

Specify that your Drive-Through order is “To Go!”

Sing along at the Opera

Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day long.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you have a headache

When the money comes out the ATM, scream,  “I WON!  I WON!”

When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives! They’re loose!”

Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”

And finally, tell someone about this website, it’ll make them smile and relieve a little pressure – no farts intended!

Two boys were walking home from church and sharing their reflections on the lesson.  They had been studying the temptation of Christ in the wilderness. 

Little Peter said to his friend John, “Do you believe that stuff about the devil?” “Do you think there really is a devil?”

John looked at his friend and said, “Naaah, it’s just the same as Santa Claus – it’s your dad!”

A little boy was working hard on a drawing and his daddy asked him what he was doing.  The reply came back, “Drawing a picture of God.”  His daddy said, “You can’t do that, honey.  Nobody knows what God looks like.”

But the little boy was undeterred and continued to draw.  He looked at his picture with satisfaction and said very matter-of-factly, “They will in a few minutes.”

Finally to all of you out there who have wished you hadn’t paid for that bad movie – here’s a lesson for you!  Sent in by Ron…

A young couple who took their three month old baby to the movies was warned by the usher.  He said, “If the baby cries, you’ll have to leave.  We’ll give you your money back.”  After watching the show for a half hour, the husband asked his wife:  “How do you like the movie?”  She turned to him and whispered, “It’s rotten.”  The husband agreed.  “I think so, too.  Pinch the baby!”