This month, Ron decided we all needed a little medical humor!  Thanks for sending in your emails to us!  Remember to keep sending in those jokes.  If we print something that is your original, we’ll be happy to give you credit.  Many of our jokes are from those never ending circulating joke emails – you know – the ones you keep forwarding to your friends. 

“DOCTOR, DOCTOR GIVE ME THE NEWS!”

DOCTOR:  Do you feel dull and listless?

PATIENT:  If I felt that good, I wouldn’t be sitting here!

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage.  When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and one:  neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist go up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.  Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

A doctor examined a woman and told her husband, “I’m not too thrilled with the way your wife looks.”

The husband replied, “That makes two of us!”

PATIENT:  I WANT A SECOND OPINION!!

DOCTOR:  ALL RIGHT, I’LL TELL YOU AGAIN!!

Two Chances!

from Milton Berle’s Private Joke File

You have two chances – you either get the bug or you don’t.  If you get the bug – you have two chances – you get the sickness or you don’t.   If you get the sickness – you have two chances – you live or you die.  If you die, you still have two chances!

Three Women, Two Younger, and One Senior

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna. 

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.  The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. 

The others looked at her questioningly.  “That was my pager, she said.  I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang.  The second woman lifted her palm to her ear.  

When she finished, she explained, “That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand.” 

The older woman felt very inadequate and low tech.  Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.  She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.  She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her butt.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.  The older woman finally said… “Well, will you look at that…I’m getting a fax!”

Happy Traveling