We cannot use all jokes submitted due to lack of space, but we will use all we can.  The name of the person attached to the joke is not intended necessarily to be the author, but only the person who submitted it.  Thanks for being a part of us.

In the U.S. school is out for a short time, and teachers need a break from the little ones they have attempted to teach and guide in learning – so Hats off to Teachers   by Milton Berle’s Best Jokes

A wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: “If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.”

It was the little girl’s first day at school and the teacher was making out her registration card.  “What is your father’s name?  “Daddy,” replied the child.  “Yes, I know, but what does your mother call him,” asked the teacher.  “Oh, she doesn’t call him anything,” exclaimed the child, “she likes him!”

A teacher said to the child, “Why don’t you brush your teeth?”  “I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.”  Student, ”What did I have?”  Teacher, “Eggs!”  Student, “You’re wrong!  That was yesterday.”

 Teacher, “I hope I didn’t see you looking at someone else’s paper, Billy.”  Billy, “I hope so too, Teacher.”

 “When I’m 100”  -  sent in by Etta Riley

The family wheeled Grandpa out on the lawn, in his wheelchair, where the activities for his 100th birthday were taking place.  Grandpa couldn’t speak very well, but he could write notes when he needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandpa started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed him, straightened him up, and stuffed pillows in the right side of his wheelchair.  Soon after that he began to list to the left, again concerned family members took hold of him and stuffed pillows down into the wheelchair on the left side.

Moments later, Grandpa began tilting forward, so the family members again sat him up straight and tied a pillowcase around his waist to hold him upright. 

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandpa and said, “Hi, Grandpa; you’re looking good!  How are they treating you?”  Grandpa took out his little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson….

“They won’t let me fart.”

 Etta Riley is really a fan of Seniors Jokes here is another of her favorites sent in for this month:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.  “What are you doing?” she asked.

“Hunting flies,” he responded

“Oh! Killing any?” she asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” he replied smugly.

Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded with sincerity,”3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the phone.”

 “Empty the Bathtub” - sent in by Ann Carter

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.  “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor.  “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug.  Do you want a bed near the  window?”                                                                                                                    

 “United States Map”   -  sent in by Joleen Ramos

A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby.  She wanted to know what the United States looked like. 

Finally, the father tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed a map of the country.  Tearing it into small pieces, he gave to Shelby and said, “Go into the other room and see if you can put this together.  This will show you our whole country today.”

After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map correctly fitted and taped together.  The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly.  “Oh,” she said, “on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus.  When I got all of Jesus back where he belonged, then our country just came together.”